There's a lot of things on my mind right now. And it's tearing me apart. I feel like going to the window and just SCREAM. argh. ok

1) i think i'm beginning to become lazy. That is something very dangerous. Thing is i hate to slack. Becoz if i slack i will never get things done.

2) i really have to be wise enough to manage time for school and work. I think i can't take both actually. Thing is i want to do both. And maintain my grades as it is. Or higher. I don't think the people in my school understand, but i don't take up jobs just for fun. It's because i think that i should actually support myself. I see that only see my mum as the breadwinner of the family now that my dad is ...gone. I appreciate that some of the other members of the family(i'm not gonna state who) sometimes support and help us emotionally and mentally. But i just can't shake my legs back and forth and wait for money to drop from the sky. In my opinion, to survive physically and mentally, and emotionally, u have to work. Hard. People say that money is not everything. But if you are living in a goddamn country like SINGAPORE i'm sorry to say that money IS everything. To survive that is. There's a price to EVERYTHING. So coming back to what i'm trying to say, I have to help myself to help my mum and sisters.

3) i keep thinking of dad. Whenever i remembered how he treated me when i was young, i realized how much he really changed. how very happy i felt that he changed for the much better person that he is today. Well, not really today...now that he's...gone. But yeah u get what i mean. This will never leave my memories for an entire lifetime. I don't care what other people say that he cared Aunty Sham and Mary much much more than us sisters especially me but i, as a daughter , have been hoping ,from young, he will changed to a better man. And it came true. That is all that i wanted in him. So yeah. I'm sad and happy and sad and happy....OMGosh... i got this mixed feeling.... and yeah i missed him.

4) I got this 2 stupid phobias 1)losing my thunbdrive(huh?) 2) fear that people will hate me. No.1 is the most scariest to me. But i never lose it before. It's just that i have this terrible feeling. No.2 is less scary. I always have this feeling that people talking about me eventhough i know that people actually don't care about me. They don't even bother. Maybe i'm just shiok sendiri. I need help on how to get rid of this unecessary sickness. I even checked on wikipedia if there are such phobia but to my dismay, none of them exist. So i need help. I know this the most stupidest thing that has ever happen to me. HELP Help help.

5) I think i have ... a ...crush...* shocks* I THINK. I dunno! I dunno what to think. I'm very confused. I don't know if it really is a crush. Out of my 18 years in life, I don't remember liking someone so much...well not that i like him so much...Ok i don't know! Argh. This is the 1st time i like LIKE someone.Ok not the 1st... 2nd maybe...? Ok NO! aaaahhh! I want and don't want him to notice me... Maybe he don't even know that i exist in this world. then it's good if he don't know.. but then i will look i'm a stalker. But i'm not a stalker. Ok now i'm beginning to blush! Omg! i hate this feeling. I never talk about who i like with anybody at all before... not even with my mum or sisters or my closest friend or other friends. Other people also never ask me who i like too. But since i'm 18, i think i have to let out my feelings more. and because of not to stress myself out on this kind of thing...I hope this feeling would go away soon...

Ok i feel better after bogging this shit. Thanks blogger. U really made my day. hehe :)